I don’t know what this is about…. it’s another “draw what you feel”. I think it’s about a world view; a core belief. One that I have just found to be false. Although I don’t know what it should be replaced with.
It’s about feeling like my existence is not worthwhile if I have nothing to give. But it’s way more complicated to that. I don’t have the words to explain it yet. Because how do I explain something, describe something that exists as a comparison to something I am not able to see or feel.
The best analogy I can think of is a blind person trying to explain to what it is like not to be able to see colours or know what they are as a concept, when it’s only been a few days they’ve even been aware that such a thing exists and have no way to conceptualise them and no language to describe them. But I could be wrong. I have never been blind.
Although arguably I am socially and emotionally blind in many ways.
I’m sorry if this makes no sense – it’s hard to write about things you don’t yet understand yourself. Once again, I will try to return to this and update it when I have a better understanding, which I am assured is a thing that will happen some day.