In my mind fragmented pieces of things that may have been. Floating out of grasp, make no sense to me. Yet my conscious brain fights like a tiger, keeping dreams at bay. What more will I remember if I let myself delve away?
Over everything looming omnipresent is he, but yet he’s not as omnipotent as I would have thought he’d be. More a sense that all I see and hear is moulded by him. And all is symbolic of those days, and of how it all began.
Memory returns, fragments of dreams dragged into waking life. Insistent to be heard, yet they make no sense. There is some mystery that looms over my past. Something dark and scary, sits just beyond my grasp. When I’m ready I’ll know what has come to pass.
There’s more I’d be re-living but my body will not sleep. Drags me into consciousness as soon as I start to dream. In sleep I re-live in full technicolour, events of my childhood, perhaps better left shrouded. I am left wondering from what I am hiding.
But while I reel with shock and awe at the last piece of my mind found. Body protects from further harm, blocking memories from flooding my mind. Is it because I don’t feel safe just yet to recall it all? But I know it’s there, and when I’m ready, I’ll gladly open that door.
© Katy Matilda Neo 2017