This piece expresses my feelings when, at the extreme end of the dialectic of reality and non-acceptance of reality.
It shows me, stuck in a place where I feel worthless, alone, rejected and abandoned. Worthy of nothing. And the reason I feel this way? Fear. My own refusal to accept the facts in front of me, despite them being crystal clear, and despite acceptance actually being the easier route because I believe that acceptance and change are not for me.
This picture depicts a me who believes I am undeserving. And who is, therefore, unable to accept help, comfort or support from myself or anyone else.
So I sit in isolation. Knowing that moving beyond this is the only way. The only path to recovery. Yet believing that this path is not for me and so, staying stuck.
Art Journal Sketch Series. Watercolour Pencil on Paper. ©Katy Matilda Neo, 2017.