Hey there….. what is it? Whats wrong?
Melancholy fills me, lethargic and dull, I feel uninspired and I know its this place, this environment this home. These people, they crush me they are so unfamiliar they don’t think how I think, or know what I know and when I explain it they look bemused. They know not what I mean and understand me no more and my head and my heart feel tired. I cant go on in this mess I cant continue any more, because they tire me their interests bore me their attitudes and outlook and more. I don’t understand them they don’t get me because I am not what they are. My values are little but to live and to learn to enjoy, experience and explore.
Originally written 11th January 2005, republished here as part of a process of exploration of my self and inner world and acceptance of the depths of pain and suffering and despair that were the only familiar outreaches of my world. So detached am I now from the me who wrote this, that I do not believe she exists. And knowing all I know now, I marvel at the ravages my younger self bore with a resilient, steadfast, stoicism. And I marvel at the fact that my need is still a mystery to me. That any or all of this is real, ever baffles me.
© Katy Matilda Neo 2005, 2017