From the archive: “Her Need Will Destroy You”, 2015.
When I made this, I truly felt like I was an endlessly needy vortex, sucking in and consuming anything I touched.
People in particular.
I felt I drained of all they had and then they were left, bereft of all their energy and resources.
To be honest, I still feel this way sometimes. But there are also times when I don’t. And those times are getting longer and they happen more often. In fact I rarely feel like the draining monster seen here anymore.
Because I’ve learnt to see the “me” in all of that. And she’s not perfect, but she’s also not a deadened black hole of need. And she cares deeply for others, so no matter how great her need, she refuses to take more that they can give. In fact she often takes a lot less, in attempt to protect them.
So this monster is not “gone”, she never was; I see myself differently now. I do have needs, but that’s ok! And sometimes I do need things from other people. That is also ok. I never take what they are not willing or able to give.
And I also know now I have the power to fulfil many of my own needs.
The times when I feel empty, or worse than empty, like a black hole, are now few and far between.
I grow and I change. And things are so much better than they were.
I never thought this would happen to me. I did not know it was possible. But it has happened and so I know there is hope for what is to happen next.